One of the most important things about learning to set goals is how to tell when one crosses the line from healthy to unhealthy. How can you tell one from the other? One of the biggest signs of an unhealthy goal is that you believe your happiness of value is dependent on it. It’s an illusion that getting that grade, beating that record, or dating that certain person will bring you the happiness you haven’t been able to find anywhere else. Another sign of an unhealthy goal is that you hide or don’t want others to know about how you are actually working toward it. As Brené Brown says in her book, “Daring Greatly”, “It’s not what you do, it’s why you do it that makes the difference. Are my choices leading to my wholeheartedness or do they leave me feeling empty and searching?”

For several months, I was getting enough sleep. I was within the 7-9 hours recommended to adults, but I was still exhausted. I was up in the mornings, let’s say by 8am (college student) and finally in bed around 12am. Sounds ok right? Nope. Those 16 hours were filled to the brim with classes, my job, extra-curricular activities, homework, etc. My schedule was so crammed, I couldn’t think about anything else. Mentally, I was so tired.

One thing Sparky would do, that I hear is actually pretty uncommon for cats, is notice when I was upset. Whenever I was crying, he would leave his catnap spot and run over to me, rubbing against me, trying to get me to pet him. At the time, I was annoyed. “Really Sparky? I’m the one that’s upset, and you’re trying to get me to make you feel better?” Little did I know that petting your furry friend is actually a great way to cope with whatever is going on. Sparky was more intuitive and smart than I was at that moment. 

“How many of you have watched CSI, NCIS, Law & Order, Bones, or any other crime show on television?” Cue about 80%-90% of the hands being raised. The fact is that we often give ourselves a steady diet of violent images without even realizing it. That in turn feeds our own inability to be vulnerable and experience joy because the fearful images of what could happen are already stockpiled in our brains.

I once had someone compare the past to a car’s rearview mirror. They said, “You can’t drive forward while looking in the rearview mirror the entire time. The rearview mirror is important. You need to check what’s behind you, but you can only drive safely forward by looking through the windshield.”

Gary Chapman published his book, The Five Love Languages, in the 90s, and a few years after that, the concept became very popular. You can ask just about anyone what their love language is, and they will have an answer for you, whether that be in romantic relationships, friendships, family circles, etc. So, let’s refresh on these!

Facing a sudden emergency, no matter the exact situation, is very similar to stage fright. Your body may freeze and lock up. Or you may go into overdrive, talking a lot, feeling the need to be in constant movement. No matter the case, you may find your heart starts to race, palms go sweaty, and your hands may shake. This is all completely normal. Here are a few simple steps to help you in the face of emergencies: 

One was that I didn’t change everything about what I was already doing, I actually started with what I already had. I didn’t go and buy a bunch of specialized diet food, but instead took a look at what I was already eating and started cutting down my portion size based on what I actually needed instead of going by my cravings. This, along with buying a kitchen food scale to help me measure portions, made me come to terms with what my body would use in relation to how much exercise I was getting, and the nutrients that were right for me for each day.

I never considered myself creative or an artist. I always wanted to be but never felt I had those natural talents. My skillset was being organized and organizing others. This led to me working with creative types in management or supporting roles. By spending time with people I considered artists, I learned so much about their process and what it took for them to get their creative juices flowing. 

Growing up, I was a reader and writer. It was what I did in my spare time. My imagination ran wild and those were my outlets. As I grew older, I lost time for such things. I didn’t find joy in them anymore. For years I went without a hobby. I worked hard and was happy, but when I clocked out of my job I went home to nothing that brought me real joy or peace after a long day. Netflix and chill was a dangerous and vegetative state that became my evening routine. While this can be a good way to unwind and relax, I can assure you that your mind will eventually grow bored. Your body will itch for movement.

Imagine if every time you got on your bike, you had to relearn how to ride it. Or every time you got in your car, you had to relearn how to get to work. Or on the flipside, what if you remembered every single experience you had or thing you learned in school? Either you retain nothing, or everything. Thank goodness we have a happy medium due to neuroplasticity.

If you live in today’s modern world, you have experienced desensitization. Most likely, you had no idea it was happening. At this point in people’s lives, it is part of their past - a thing that happened in their childhood and continues to happen daily. It grew monumentally with the growth of technology. It started hitting stages of adolescence when the Millennial generation was young. What’s the main form of desensitizing today? Social media.

Let’s talk about fighting. If you are not married, don’t tune out. If you are, don’t tune out either! My siblings and I all went to different pre-marriage counselors but were given the same advice about how to listen and work out arguments with our future spouse. It’s really advice for anyone who interacts with other humans. 

I love change. LOVE it. When I was a kid, I would rearrange my room, just to feel like something different and new was happening. My siblings and I would swap rooms every six months. I loved the start of the school year because everything was different. In college, it was amplified. I moved twice a year, rearranged my room whenever I wanted, then signed up for ever-changing activities around campus. 

Last year, I had my first panic attack. At the time, I was dealing with the highest amount of anxiety I’d ever had. I had messed up on something important, and even though it could be easily fixed, at that moment, my body started to react. My heart rate spiked, my breathing started to become labored, and I was shaking. Thankfully, I noticed what was happening. I started to try and even out my breathing. In through the nose...out through the mouth. Over and over, until I had calmed down. Then came the tears. I probably sobbed for about 10-15 minutes, something I rarely do. I was so distraught about my anxiety, and I was stressed to the max.

A couple of months ago I read an article specifically for introverts. For those of you who don’t know what it means to be introverted, it simply means our energy recharges from being alone, versus extroverts who get recharged from being around people. Being an introvert does not mean we are antisocial or that we don’t like going to parties, it will simply drain our energy eventually and we will be spent. Many times people plan parties on the weekend or want to get together on the weekends because work usually won't interfere and it's the way things have always been done. This article suggested that introverts reverse that. It suggested that we try to do all of our socialization on week nights so that we can take the entire weekend for ourselves and have a true day of rest. 

The word “hobby” is thrown around a lot - maybe too much? Between school, work, extracurriculars, etc, etc... It’s easy to lose track of what’s a hobby in your life. If you have lost track, here’s a simple definition: an activity done regularly in one’s leisure time for pleasure. Now let’s break that down a bit. 

As a current graduate student, didactic learning is what I do every day. I’m fortunate to be a student who has been in school every year since Kindergarten. I never had a gap year or break - I’ve always loved learning, I honestly don’t know what I’m going to do when I’m done with school in two years. Don’t get me wrong, I am VERY excited for that day when I have no more homework, exams, studying, etc. to do. But, on the flip side, I love learning like I have been. College is so fun (if you’re currently in high school, it gets better). 

“Run. Run away and never return.” -Scar, The Lion King

As a child, my siblings and I loved watching The Lion King. Yes, we had a crush on Simba. It’s entirely possible to have a crush on an animated lion at that age. But I remember watching the scene where Scar tells his nephew cub to run away and always being confused by it. 

Almost all of us have that someone. The one that got away. Perhaps it was a crush or a girlfriend/boyfriend who broke up with you. A marriage that ended when you’d tried to make it work. The heartache is unbearable. The pain and grief feel like they will never end. And perhaps, they don’t. To be clear, I’m not talking about the death of a person, but the end of a relationship.